As I drove through this small east Texas town that I hadn't seen since I was 8 years old, I surprised myself by recognizing things. A mural in town, a payless that had been visited on Halloween to find witch shoes because I was finally going to beat the kid that kept coming to the costume contest in overalls and a jack-o-lantern on his head every year. (He maintained his winning streak.) I passed the Donut Palace that we went to ALL. THE. TIME. Then I saw Herschels. Herschels is like a Dairy Queen, but more country. Is that possible? I remember they had steak finger baskets and ice cream and a juke box that I would play Tim McGraw's "Don't Take The Girl" and John Michael Montgomery's "Be My Baby Tonight". Oh, and Mazzio's pizza...they had the best game room and was also where I stopped to tie my shoes by myself for the first time. I called my dad and told him I'd be going through that town and into the next town over and asked him if he remembered going to Ken's pizza and a cafe called Jams when we lived there. I drove past the country store that he would send me into to get us a bottle of YooHoo, a bottle of Dr. Pepper and 2 cans of snuff. Yes, they sold it to me, because they could see my dad in the truck outside. (The gas station in my grandmother's home town, however, would not sell me lottery tickets, she had to come in and get them herself.) I drove past the church where I attended Pre-K and during VBS a couple of years later got saved. They served us Eggo waffles with grape jelly on them in Pre-K.
As I was sipping my sweet tea from Chicken Express (I didn't have many options and chose my favorite in all the world...get over it) I realized I only was recognizing food places. Then I thought of the next town we moved to and the Italian food place we went to all the time over the course of the year that we lived there. Then, we moved to a small central Texas town. We lived there for three years and I remember riding my bike to the library, and eating at the auction barn...yes..the auction barn...it was like a truck stop. And a pizza place there that had THE thinnest crust. This town is also known for their kolaches. Usually I didn't get kolaches, but we ate at the gas station ALL the time. Our town couldn't support a grocery store. So we would go into the next big town over and go to the movies, Texas Roadhouse, Olive Garden, a diner that had something to do with Elvis, or had a picture of him, or something, Fazoli's, etc. The next town we lived in was back in east Texas and we ate out with my dad's co workers every day that summer at one of TWO restaurants. It alternated between one Mexican food place and Pizza Hut buffet. We moved again...found new restaurants...I moved to California with my mom and found In 'N Out Burger and an Italian place called Strings (don't get me started on that place I just know that I'm lactose intolerant now, and I blame their Fettucini Alfredo!)
My point is, my memories are mostly tied to food....and music. Though, the latter isn't dangerous.
Did I recognize this house?
No.
I called my dad again and asked him how to get there. Got lost on the way. Then recognized a spot on the black top road where I had a HUGE bike wreck. (Not really, I recognized the neighbor's rusty basketball goal and our septic tank.) This is the house where I learned to ride my bike. Learned to ride horses. Was the first one on the bus and the last one off because we lived so far out in the country. We had 3 horses (Red, Katy, and Cody), 2 dogs (Bonnie and Amigo) and a cat that I can't remember the name of for the life of me.
So, here I am. Totally addicted to junk food and soda. It's my drug of choice. Happy? I eat. Celebrating? I eat. Bored? I eat. Then, something happens like when I lost my mother 2 years ago and I moved away from all family and friends and was alone (besides Grease Monkey) with no job, no friends, no family near. I ate. A lot. And gained. A lot. I lie about how much I eat, where I've eaten, what I've eaten. Even to myself.
I learned bad habits all my life from my parents' bad habits. But, I am not a child anymore. I have to be responsible for my actions now. I have to make better choices. I have to re-program myself to do better. To want better for myself and my future.
To Be Continued...
To Be Continued...
I am you, you are me. There are a lot us out here. It touched me when you said that you lied about what and how much and how often you were eating. That you used food as a best friend.. because really who else is going to be there at 3 in the morning, standing next to you while you figure out what other odd combination of food you are going to put on your plate. :D It is our job to walk together to a place that not only where we can be happy, but know that we deserve to be happy as well.
ReplyDeletePeople, places and events in our lives always revolved around where, when and what we can and can not eat. (It's a funny description of a Jew... you know you're a Jew because your life always revolves around the above.) It's gratifying and humbling as you age, and know that you have to start making your own better choices, and lead by example. It's the only way you can truly conquer the early lessons of love, acceptance and emotional gamut we all go thru in our lives. If you started out life as a fat kid, you probably end up as a fat 30 year old. When you are in your thirties, you see what you have continually done to your body, and feel how you have neglected over-indulged and really had no care about what you put in your mouth. That's the decade, or even decade in a half where you start to do better. I never tell anyone to be perfect... just do better, and then do better than the day before.
Your journey has just begun.. I am glad that I know you, and can be the one on the sidelines screaming my guts out in support of you.
I too saw my life from one meal to the next and all the golden moments in my life, that also had an association with food. Isn't it funny how our lives seem to cluster.
Congrats, and I hope you can hear us.. we are the Cho girls. :D
Love you! Thanks for being there!
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